Bron and Courtney OS: They're Clever, But They're Crass

Paris doesn't smell like a toilet, in case you were wondering.

It's currently our third and last day in Paris, but I'll let Miss Lawler catch you up on the happy haps.

Yesterday we went to the Louvre. To be honest, the only reason we really went to the Louvre was because it's the Louvre. Imagine 'You were in Paris?! Did you go to The Louvre?' our reply 'Nah' (that said, we didn't go to the Eiffel Tower...) We're more excited for the Musee D'orsay, which we're visiting today. We went on a free walking tour on our first day, where we were told that if you go into the Louvre, you will get lost. They were not wrong. They also told us that if you spent 10 seconds looking at every piece in the gallery you'd be in there for three weeks. Once in there we found that most of the displays consist of lots of tiny things bunched together in the same displays which led to mumbles of 'Why would you spend 10 seconds looking at every fucking piece? Fucking tour guides and their made up statistics...' It was a very perfunctory visit, but a nice lady gave me her all day ticket as she was leaving, so for me it was also a free visit.

We started in the statues, many of which were incredibly cool. All of the plaques were written in French though and the english explanations provided were all about five times longer. Looking at one statue with a very sad horse on it I asked 'Why is the horse so sad? I want to know why the horse is sad!' Never fear though!!!! I had Courtney Lawler: Tour guide extrordinaire, to explain the meanings of them all.

'That guy's getting fucked up by a lion'

'That guy's just havin' a grand old time'

'That dog looks more like an ugly pig!'

Courtney was reminded of a certain Dendy employee when she saw this statue. Ten points if you can guess who!

Courtney: 'It looks like an ugly swan with giant feet...'
Me: 'It's a peacock Courtney.'

I never did find out why the horse was sad though...

We accidentally found the Mona Lisa whilst trying to find our way out of the 'Renaissance Shit'. The words 'OK, where is this eyebrowless bitch?' were uttered only for Courtney to say 'Oh, there she is' two seconds later. That's how you do it!

Coolest thing in The Louvre.

I love the big glass pyramids outside the Louvre. I think they're gorgeous. Apparently many of the French don't though. The bloke that built it told them that it was going to be completely invisible, and for some reason they believed him. The glass he wanted to use was too thin though and so he was forced to build huge steel frames in order for them not to shatter. The French were pissed off by this and so are now contemplating tearing them down. Fools. I'm not that worried though, as the French also seem to like procrastinating. The Louvre is covered in statues of men, and a few years back Voltaire's nose fell off. They are still trying to figure out the best method for reattaching it and who is most qualified. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

So damn cool!!

I also spent a great chunk of the free walking tour rushing around pointing at landmarks I'd seen in Le Tour. Obelisk! Fountain! Really expensive hotel! I later found Joan of Arc, but only accidentally. Paris looks very different when it's filled with cars instead of bikes... Far less cool.

Obelisk!!

Really expensive hotel!!

Us!!!

I wrote the first bit of this post in the morning and we've now been to the Musee D'orsay. That is how you make a gallery!! It was so much better. The most beautiful part of the Louvre was the building itself, and I'm pretty sure the Musee D'orsay was even nicer. It had the most gorgeous ceiling and it was possible to go through the gallery in about three hours and still see everything.

On our free walking tour the guide told us about a woman who was prone to fall in love with inanimate objects. She was an archer and was madly in love with her bow, until she visited Paris and fell head over heels for the Eiffel Tower. For some reason the government decided to let her marry the Eiffel Tower (I told you they were weird) Her vows? 'I'm flesh, you are steel. I bleed, you rust.' WHAT?! I't gets better though. Soon after she visited Berlin only to ditch the Tower for the Berlin wall. I feel for the poor neglected bow...

Paris is pretty swell, but I got sick of people everywhere trying to sell idiots little eiffel tower statues and expensive bottles of water. It generally feels less safe too, but that may just be culture shock. The Metro's are good, but not as good as the Tube. I love the general lack of any kind of health and safety paranoia too. There isn't a voice telling me to mind the gap and not leave my bags unattended and the ladies in the boulangeries handle all of the bread without gloves. London's still cooler though.

Space Invader!!